Dude, Where's the Door?
by sixsignsthecircle
Summary: Oh, no. It disappeared. That leaves 11+ members of the YGO crew trapped in a very small room.Are two psychopaths better than one? *shudders* Not whe
1. This was all Jou's fault!

"Dude, Where's the Door?"

Oh, no. It disappeared. That leaves 11 members of the YGO crew (14 if you count the Yamis) trapped in a very small room. When you consider that two of them are Jounouchi and Seto…things are bound to be…well, disconcerting. And are two psychopaths better than one? *shudders* Not when they're Bakura and Marik…

Chapter One: This was all Jou's fault!

*Ding dong* Seto Kaiba's doorbell rang insistently. 

"Dammit," he yelled, on his way to the door, "How many times do I have to tell you, Mokuba, not to lock yourself out of the mansion?"

Mokuba Kaiba peeked out from behind the screen of his expensive laptop computer. "I didn't, big brother. That's not me."

This only served to further annoy Seto, though, who frankly wanted someone to yell at. He threw open the door, and blinked as he met the large blue eyes of…Anzu?

"What the hell do you want?" he asked, disoriented by the sight of Domino High's second biggest loser at his doorstep. Anzu, however, did not have a chance to answer, as Mokuba fell to the floor and began writhing around and screaming, covering his ears with both hands, "Oooohhhh, my virgin ears! Seto, take it back, take it back! You said HELLLLLL Nooo, no, my virgin ears! Oh, no! I said it, too! I'm going to Diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Mokuba!" Seto yelled, pulling his younger brother's hands away from his ears, "It's okay. You only have to act like that if a business rival swears in the presence of our lawyer."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry, Seto."  


"Erm….anyway," Anzu held up a box of cookies, "I'm selling girl scout cookies! You want some?"

"No. Get lost." Seto made to close the door, but insistent Anzu stuck her foot in the door jamb, and made huge eyes at the older Kaiba. 

  
"Pwwwease?" she begged, suddenly adopting a British accent, "If you don't, I'll have to go back to the orphanage!"

"You don't _live_ in an orphanage, you idiot girl!" Seto replied angrily, attempting to shove Anzu away.

"Oh, yeah. Well, anyway, Kaiba, I'm not leaving until you either buy some cookies or give me some lovin'."

Seto shuddered, and agreed, "Okay, okay, I'll buy your friggin' cookies."

"Well," Anzu said apologetically, "I'm not really selling them. I'm just trying to seduce you. So come on!"

"NO!" Seto yelled, slamming the door on Anzu's foot.

"AHHHHH!" She screamed, "Now you're going to have to pay my medical bills!"

"Fair enough," Seto said, "I shouldn't have to pay them too much to have them kill you."

Anzu grabbed Seto's arm and dragged him through the streets of Domino. "I'm going to tell everybody you're my new boyfriend! C'mon, let's go! My friends are waiting!"

"Nooooooooooooo!"

"Hey, big brother! Wait for me!"

***

"Hey, Anzu, whadj'ya bring dis creep for?" Jounouchi Katsuya (Joey Wheeler in American version) asked disgustedly.

"He's my boyfriend!", Anzu replied happily, squeezing Seto's arm so he couldn't get away.

"No, I'm NOT!" Seto yelled, "Save me, Chihuahua!" 

Jou growled, which actually only enhanced Seto's derogatory opinion of him, and screeched, "Don't call me a CHIHUAHUA!"

"Okay…Poodle."

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jou began hyperventilating.

"Um guys," Yugi spoke up, "Let's not fight. And where is everyone else?" He was referring to Honda and Ryou.

"Here we arrrrreeeeeee!" Honda yelled as he drove straight past them on his motorcycle. Ryou was behind him, clinging to his waist and muttering, "I'm too young to die, I'm too young to die," mantra-like.

A few seconds later, Honda U-turned and skidded to a stop inches from Mokuba, who was sitting on the sidewalk, begging Seto for ice cream.

"Y'Know," Jou said, "I'm hungry, too. Let's go get some chow."

"Okay, Yugi agreed, hoping to get Seto's mind off murdering Anzu , "Who's buying?"

"Er-" jou said, "I got thirteen cents."

"I've got twenty!" Honda chimed in. 

"Great, twenty dollars. That should be enough…" Yugi was calculating in his head.

"No," Honda amended, "I meant cents, not dollars."

"Oh."

"It's okay," Anzu said cheerfully, "My boyfriend's rich! He'll pay!"

"Yay!" Everyone else drowned out Seto's protests. Ah, the pressures of owning a multimillion dollar company at age 15…

(A/N: Actually, I'm going to set this a bit in the future. Ages for this story: Seto:17, Jou: 17, Honda: 17, Yugi: 15.5, Anzu: 16, Ryou: 16, Marik: 17.5, Pegasus: who knows? It's in fairy years lmfao…)

So the crew arrived at the CheapDepot Grille. (motto: "Only 46% roadkill!")

"Okay," Seto said, "I have an announcement to make."

"Ooh!" squealed Anzu, he's going to ask me to marry him! That's it, isn't it, Seto?"

"Actually," Seto corrected, "I don't have any money with me."

ALL: !

"Well, then," said Jou, "let's go there." He pointed at a little one-room building across the street. Inside he could just glimpse a refrigerator, and a sign near the window said, "FREE FOOD"

"YES!" Honda yelled, racing for the building. The rest followed suit, Anzu still dragging Seto along.

As they rushed inside, Jou opened the fridge to find several dozen pizzas. Everyone began cheering, until…Jou sat up, growling, his back up against the refrigerator door. "It's all mine," he said gruffly, a maniacal glint in his eyes, "All the food. It's MINE!"

A knock on the partially open door interrupted him.

"Hey," Mai Valentine (Can't spell her Japanese name) called throatily, "Can we come in?" She gestured to a tall, tanned boy with longish shaggy blond hair and Egyptian jewelry. "I'm hungry, and this loser won't buy me any food."

"Fine," Mokuba said, "but you'll have to ask Jou if you want any food…"

Mai and the tall boy stepped inside.

"Marik!" Yugi hissed.

"Why, hello, _Pharoah_," Marik called sweetly, "Long time no try to kill you."

Just then, the door slammed shut and disappeared, leaving…A blank wall.

"Oh, SHIT!" Seto screamed.


	2. Enter the Fairy

Chapter Two:

Author's Note: I'm going to try this chapter in a different format. Please review and let me know which you prefer. The former is probably a more generally accepted style, but I'm going to try something a bit easier to read and type.

SETO: This is all YOUR fault, Katsuya!

ANZU: (petting Seto's arm) Now, now, dear, don't lose your temper….

JOU: Hey, cheer up, guys! At least we have food-well, I have food anyway.

*MAGICAL POOF!* 

SENNA(authoress, who has suddenly appeared out of nowhere): Hey! You have to share the food!

JOU: Who are you?

SENNA: Um. I wrote the story. So you have to do what I say, or I will work a castration into the plot—

JOU: Er, that's okay, I'll share!

SENNA: Bye! *disappears in another POOF*

(A/N: I think I'll just alternate formats, between parts w/ lots of dialogue, and parts with action…)

Suddenly, there was a strange sound as Bakura left the soul room of the Millenium Ring.

"I would like to make yet another attempt at taking over the world," he announced in his sexy evil-dude British accent.

"Not so fast," Yami Marik countered, leaving his own soul room in the Millenium Rod, "That's MY job!"

"Save me, Seto!" Anzu squealed, jumping behind him and grabbing him by the shoulders.

"Will you shut the FUCK up?!" Seto screamed in Anzu's general direction (behind him).

"Ow." She moaned, patting her ears.

"Um…Guys?" Ryou asked tentatively.

"WHAT?!" Marik and Bakura screamed, not for an instant losing eye contact with each other. (They were engaged in the Ancient Egyptian practice of, er…two psychopathic shadow lords giving each other evil death glares.)

"Er…You know, if Senna could get in and out of here, who's to say we can't?" Ryou continued, as usual being the only Yugioh boi with more than six functioning brain cells that _weren't_ bent on a)saving the world, b)destroying the world, or c)eating.

"Oh, come on," Honda yelled, "That is the dumbest idea I ever heard!"

"Oh," Ryou murmured, instantly contrite, "I'm sorry."

Mai let out a blood-curdling shriek.

Everyone jumped, looked around, and it was Anzu who ventured, "What's wrong, Mai?"

"I-I-" she sobbed…

"Go on, spit it out," Jou encouraged.

"I-I-I-Oh, it's just too horrible…I can't!"

"Hey!" Honda shouted excitedly, "I know!"

"What?" Yugi asked warily.

"Die…" Marik whispered to Bakura.

"Okay," Bakura agreed sportingly, "After you, Pyramid-cornerstone-made-out-of-really-dense-rock for brains…"

"Mai?" Anzu prompted, as Mai dissolved into tears.

"I HAVE A KILLER IDEA!" Honda shouted.

"What's your idea? An' anyone got somethin' ta drink?" Jou asked.

"I-I-I-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Mai wailed.

"Let's poof out of here like Senna did!" Honda yelled triumphantly.

"I just said that a minute ago…" Ryou ventured.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Oh, the HORROR," Mai wailed, tears beginning to make a puddle around her feet.

"What did you say, Ryou?" Honda asked dangerously.

"I thought of poofing a minute ago."

"NO YOU DID NOT!" Honda roared, launching himself at the smaller, slighter, albino boy. 

"Okay, okay," Ryou said apologetically, "I never thought of it…"

"That's better," Honda calmed down.

"HELLO?!" Mai screamed, "We have a crisis here!"

"Well, WHAT THE HELL IS IT?" Seto yelled, "And where's Mokuba?"

Tea pointed to a corner, where Mokuba had curled up and fallen asleep, and incidentally was looking absolutely adorable (A/N: BTW: Anyone know exactly how old he is? 7? 9?)

"It's…" Mai sobbed breathily, "I broke a nail." She looked absolutely crushed.

Yami Marik broke away from Bakua's gaze only long enough to whack her with the Millenium Rod.

"That's better," Yugi said.

"HEY!" Anzu yelled, "She's my friend, and I believe in the power of our friendship to bring us through anything!"

"Do us a favor," Seto muttered, "And shut the fuck up."

"That's not a very friendly thing to say!" Anzu continued, "You should look deep inside your heart for the very essence of friendship, and-"

Yami emerged from the soul room, separate form his hikari.

"MIND CRUSH!" he yelled, and Anzu died.

"Now THAT'S better," Yugi amended.

"mmmm…"everyone agreed, and there was a peaceful; silence that lasted almost an entire second, until Pegasus burst into the room (through the wall?)

"Who wants to play pin the tail on the Funny Bunny?"


End file.
